Setting Healthy Boundaries

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When you buy a house and give your garden a make-over most likely you’ll be doing your fence as well. It is a clear boundary of your space and your neighbours space. You have your garden and behind the fence your neighbour’s garden begins. You put up a fence or some trees in the middle to make it obvious and nobody thinks it is strange. By making the line visible, with a fence or treeline, we make it very clear what the boundary is.

I wonder why it is so difficult to implement this in our daily life. What to say when someone crosses your personal boundary? The answer is obvious but nevertheless can be very difficult. You are the only one who knows your boundaries, your limits. Of course there will be times and moments in life where people are going to cross your boundaries, and it is up to you how you deal with that.

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Your boundaries are like fences, only invisible.

When someone crosses your boundaries

We live our life in a way that for each of us is comfortable. We have our morals and our key values, we live by them and feel safe with that. When someone crosses your boundaries for the first time, make it clear that, that is something that you simply don’t want. The majority of the people will take note of this and respect you and your boundaries.

When someone crosses your boundaries repeatedly

Some people feel they have more rights than others, close friends, parents, partners. Because they play an important role in your life and visa-versa they assume your boundaries don’t apply to them.

The fact is, it could not be more wrong. It is because they play an important role in your life these are the people who should respect your boundaries even more.

The fear 

The fact is most people are scared of putting up boundaries and holding them. They fear disappointing others, maybe even fear losing them. But isn’t it more scary that one day you realize you lost yourself along the way?

By setting your boundaries and making them clear you are putting yourself up as a high value person. You have morals, you have values and with boundaries you protect them.

The responsibility

The responsibility is all your own. No one knows your boundaries nor can they know if you don’t make them. Figure out what you want, what your needs are and communicate it clearly so no misinterpretation can happen. No texts, no snaps or Facebook messages, but a clear face to face conversation. I say this on purpose because in the world we life in today we simply don’t take enough time for a heartfelt one-one conversation and tent to have these conversations on social media or via texting.

For me personally that is important. I’m ok with chitchat and small talk via text etc, but a real ‘how are you really doing-conversation’ has to be face-to-face and if that’s not possible then by phone. Misinterpretation occurs more often by text because you can’t hear or see the person you are talking to. When you have a one-on-one conversation you see/hear the nonverbal communication or intonation of voice, you grant each other the respect of time and time is scares these days.

It is because our personal boundaries are not visible it is easy to ignore them or letting them being crossed. Naturally you change while you are getting older, so do boundaries. Your circumstances change, when you think you have it all figured out, life maybe throwing you a curveball making you adapt, reset or re-evaluate from time to time.

3 step guide line

  1. Make you personal boundaries clear
  2. Communicate your personal boundaries
  3. Take responsibility for your own wants and needs

Additional pointers for those who have difficulty maintaining boundaries and find happiness.

  1. Say NO a little bit more often – relax 5 tips to help you relax
  2. Choose to love – leave negativity behind Attracting The Positive By Leaving The Negative  
  3. Choose you – Freedom to choose
  4. Dont be scared to walk away if you need to. People who keep disrespecting your boundaries are disrespecting you.

In a relationship setting boundaries has nothing to do with being self-centered, egocentric or arrogant. On the opposite, by setting boundaries you make a clear statement to each other on what you want, need and expect from the relationship. It is a guideline that helps all in the equation. This goes for work relationships, friendships and love-relationships. Look where your boundaries are with your work, body, lifestyle, sex life and don’t forget to have fun doing that.

To be happy with your life and lifestyle you have to surround yourself with people who have your back, who respect you and your boundaries. People who understand what you want and need most in life and who will kindly remind you when you seem te get lost down the road.

Learn what you want, seek what you need and hold onto that and those people who have the same dearly for you.

Cheers

x

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