A defining moment

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It are the small things, comments and gestures that can make all the difference in a persons day, week or even life. So let me begin by thanking you for reading this!

The world we live in today never stops, it always continues, 24/7 where ever you are on the planet it keeps spinning. This isn’t necessarily a wrong thing nor a good thing, it just is. We live in a world where we have to be on always, all the time. We need to look our best, be our best and be on top of the game. This ultimately means also that we are more and more in our own world, our own bubble. We socialize via Facebook, we comment on articles and news via Twitter, we build our career network via LinkedIn and date via Tinder, all made possible by a thing we call social media.

But how social are we really?

The expression ‘with your head in the clouds’ doesnt go a long way anymore. Everywhere you look people walk down the street with their face to the ground, looking at a small screen, worried they might miss a thing, completely in their own zone and world. We don’t greet people anymore, or even look them in the eye when walking by. The social talks on the bus, they dont exist anymore and if someone tries they get a strange look.

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The smile we give on the bus to work, the compliments we make, the eye rolls we do and the silent treatments we give. These things tent to stick with us and define us through life, maybe not right then, maybe not right away but they will, eventually.

I bet you can remember a moment when a random person made you a compliment, didn’t you feel good about it? Or a comment that you received as a child, that you can remember till this day. Think about it for a second, when you think back to your childhood, can you remember a defining moment? I can, for example, when I was 4 years old I was denied a piece of a birthday cake by my grandmother, all the children got a piece but my sister and I didn’t get anything, now even when im writing this, I can still recall the feeling of rejection I felt back then.

Why was I so sad back then? It was because I wasnt being appreciated and didn’t feel loved, that is why. But the question shouldn’t be, why was I so sad, the real question is, why do we have the urge to be needed, liked and appreciated?

The answer is actually quite simple, because we are human.

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Yes, we are HUMAN! 

We humans have a primal instinct to want to be valued and appreciated for the things we do and for the person we are. We have an urge to feel needed and wanted. We post pictures on Facebook to let the world see how good things are. Disagreeing with a lot of people now but I don’t think this is a bad quality, we all have the need to show things and be proud of them. Social media is just merely the tool to do that. Let me make it clear that this has absolutely nothing to do with being ‘needy’. Being ‘needy’ is something completely different that deserves a post on its own.

When we are proud of our children we give them a compliment, how good they did their homework for example. At that moment, when you are recognizing their good work, you are adding value to their lives. You are creating a sence of self-value, you let them feel good about themselves.

As adult people we still need that same appreciation, the recognition that we do our job all right, that we are good mothers or great housewives. The compliment, that we look great and the smiles from random people in the elevator. When we are being valued for the things we do, we become even greater. We feel good when we are being liked and push to become even better when we feel wanted and appreciated. This is not only the case in work-jobs, but also apply in household work, study and other daily routines.

People who have been given compliments about their work, who feel wanted and appreciated at their jobs will work much harder when the going gets tough. The same apply in relationships or even friendships. When a partner or friend is feeling unappreciated or ignored they are much less willing to work on the relationship/friendship then when they felt loved and wanted in the first place.

The moment we receive a smile, eye contact, compliment, some plain and simple love we start to create a connection with the other person, we are more open and receptive to their wants, needs and ideas in return.

I’m just wondering if we are not so busy with social media, posting pictures, updating our status that we forget to have an actual conversation with friends and family. Why didn’t you call that friend? Where you really that busy? You probably did have time to like and comment on that funny picture on Facebook and send a Snapchat of a cool activity. That is my point, we are so caught up in our own live, our own bubble that we sometimes justify our cold and distant behaviour with “being busy”. It would suit us all a great deal when we start to look around more and not down on a screen. It would help tremendously when we start calling a friend and be actually interested, instead of liking a social media photo or sending a Snapchat. You need appreciation, you need to feel loved and be respected for your hard work. But remember what you give will come back to you, that’s the simple rule of the universe.

Now I don’t mean that you have to start calling everyone and tel them how much you ‘appreciate’ them. That you start smiling to everybody on the street, or tell all your friends how much you value them for being in your life 🙂 A honest thank you or spontaneous compliment does the magic trick much better. Just watch for those tiny moments where you can give them, look around not on your phone. Loook for those little moments where you can make the sun shine on a cloudy day, where you can bring a sparkle in someones eyes.

You deserve to be appreciated, you deserve to be!

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